mokudekiru

6 Reasons Hong Kong feels like being in Blade Runner:

1. Hong Kong looks like Blade Runner. Duh.
2. It never seems to sleep (e.g. everything happens at night).
3. Similar mixture of Asian people/food/languages with western ones
4. Both have pretty reasonable technological advancement. I think HK has fewer replicants, but at least they have full cell connectivity EVERYWHERE in the metro, even in tunnels. Good job making progress towards the expected tech accomplishments by 2019, HK.
5. In both places people mostly seem to mind their own business, and not stare at you or care what you’re doing. Unless you’re Harrison Ford, in a bar. That man cannot seem to stay out of trouble in bars.
6. Blade Runner would’ve been filmed in Hong Kong if it could’ve. (Thanks Marquis!)

Looks like Blade Runner

City. Mountains. Water. Three of my favorite things, together. In fact, I think this should be a requirement for any city (I suppose it sorta was back in the day, when boats were the only thing going on.)

As far as cities go, Hong Kong is GOOD-LOOKING. First of all, it has some sexy topology. Flying into Hong Kong is a definitively 3D experience. You feel like you’re docking your spaceship in Coruscant rather than landing on a 2D map.

But like human beings, Hong Kong is prettier at night. Suddenly you’re at the top of Victoria Peak and you are looking over all the skyscrapers like you’re Batman.

The Peak Tram is probably the most touristy thing I’ve done in my LIFE, but one way or another you MUST get yourself up to Victoria Peak. Non-negotiable.

Or you can cross over to the peninsula (the Kowloon side) and you get a crazy-nice view of HK Island. The nightly light show starts at 8 PM, which will make you wonder if the entire city is actually a TV screen. Cue a creepy-crawly feeling about consumerist modern society, slight existential questioning, and cheesy light-show music.

So take your pick. Blade Runner, Coruscant, Batman, Ghost in the Shell, or pretty much any other vertical city with flying spaceships that seems only to operate at night, and you’ve got the city layout down.

English and Cantonese

British rule technically ended in Hong Kong in 1997, and Catonese and English are the two official languages, yet I was surprised to see how much English there was around. Every sign, most menus, even our elevator signage (see previous post). Having never been in Asia outside of Japan before, where I could speak the language, this felt very weird at first due to the high crossover between written Chinese and written Japanese. I could ~read the signs, but they all were translated into English anyway, and I couldn’t understand what anyone around me was saying.

It felt like I was in Tokyo, except someone had removed the part of my brain that knows Japanese (a perennial fear/nightmare of mine) and simultaneously subtitled the ENTIRE COUNTRY. Gahhhh.

No resting!!!

Before embarking, I learned a tiny, tiny amount of Cantonese (via Pimsleur) which was almost entirely useless, except for of course, the two things Pimsleur is ALWAYS good for:

1) Knowing what the cab driver was talking about when you hop in and he’s like, “Bindouh wa?” (SHOCKER, it means, “where to?”) Sidenote: cabs are really cheap there. You can effectively cross the city for about $9 USD and there’s no tipping. There are cabs everywhere. Never feel stranded after 1 AM when the MTR stops).

2) Flirting in clubs when locals ask if you can speak any Cantonese, and then blurting out the one or two sentences you can actually say (but at least you can say them WELL, thanks to the Pimsleur repetition strategy). Seriously, this is the main application of Pimsleur and I think they know it. They teach you “I can’t speak [language you’re learning]”, “beer”, “wine”, and “your place or my place?” with a few other things thrown in on the side. I see where all this is going, 1960s-era language method).

Mostly, getting by on English was very doable, though we didn’t go anywhere particularly remote. Most people at stores and restaurants aren’t going to speak English to you like at all, but they will ~understand what you say and do the right thing. They just won’t really speak in sentences to you. If you ask for something, they sort of look at you and often spew something off in Cantonese to another restaurant worker, etc. It was disconcerting enough that if I lived there, I would definitely want to pick up more Cantonese, though I imagine it would be hard to get practice since you’re not fully immersed in it often.

The only total Failure to Communicate situation happened when I was trying to buy laundry detergent. From 7-11. Then a drugstore. Then a grocery. Then finding it in the grocery. Each time, I struggled greatly with what the appropriate charade for “laundry detergent” is. It’s really hard to point at your own clothing in a meaningful way, without pointing at yourself. I eventually did find laundry detergent, no tears involved, but in the future I would have looked up the word before setting out for something that you don’t know is FOR SURE at 7-11.

Where the Fuck Do You Walk?

HK has a population density that’s allegedly the same as Manhattan (70k per square mile in the developed parts) but it feels roughly 4x as crowded. Seriously, PEOPLE, they’re everywhere. Japan sort of immunized me to crowded asian cities (Osaka Loop line before a concert, anyone? Tokyo at rush hour?) but there were two very weird things about Hong Kong and crowds:

1) The subways are not that crowded. In fact, even at rush hour, I don’t think my body ever touched strangers’ bodies inside the trains. The train *stations* were incredibly crowded — hordes of people on the escalators, going through the turnstiles… the throughput of the MTR was highly impressive, but each individual train car was still comfortable. Rush hour in Tokyo, you are being sardined into the train car by the 7 people you’re effectively spooning with, and you’d better hope your hands and your phone were already at eye level, because you won’t have room to move your arms. But in Hong Kong, I saw people actually WAIT FOR THE NEXT TRAIN instead of cramming in. No one touched each other — perhaps they have a more British sense of personal space?

The station is sorta crowded…why not the trains?

2) There is no correct side to walk on. UMMM!??!?! This is my first encounter with a culture that has not figured it out. In the US (and most of Europe I’ve been to), walk on the right. In Japan, walk on the left. And on escalators, there’s a standing side and a waiting side (in Japan which side is which depends on whether you’re in Kansai or Kanto, but in each place it’s at least CONSISTENT).

But no, in Hong Kong, just… MADNESS. CLOWNTOWN. Escalators were (generally) stand-right walk-left, but once you got off the escalator, the staircase might be the opposite way, and once you’re on the street GOOD LUCK, KIDS. The worst part is that in train stations, there are often arrows on the floor/walls to direct traffic, and from station to station, which side the arrows are on varies. Is that *really* necessary?

In light of this, I advise against walking-and-texting in Hong Kong.

I think the ambivalence about which side to walk on contributes to the overcrowdedness and mass chaos. Team Ramen also felt it might be indicative of a culture that was sort of refusing to make up its mind about some things.

Navigating this is your warmup.

Simple solution: spaceships and flying cars.

HECTIC!!! Hong Kong: 5 Places

1) Tsim Sha Tsui, for the food. Kowloon side, first MTR station. Come here 7 PM or later and it will just be madness. It’s also where some amazing food goes on. In this particular picture, where we got spicy crab and ate on the street (around Temple Street, probs), but Tsim Sha Tsui is also where we got Hot Pot, Korean food, Indian food, etc. Just be prepared for dinner to take a while, and that you probably will have to wait. The locals don’t seem to have a huge drinking culture, instead food culture is central, and people seem to spend all evening at dinner. Restaurants will be just as busy at 7 PM as 11 PM, and I never saw one closed before like, midnight (San Francisco can we do this, pretty please?)

I think too much spice/garlic to the crab ratio at this place, but spicy crab is theoretically a good idea

2) Ladies’ Market – I bought an excellent purse here. You’ll have to bargain for stuff; start with ~half the asking price. Also, do Temple Street at night.

3) Filipino nannies/maids all over Statue Square on Sunday afternoons. It’s a thing.

4) Causeway Bay if you want to shop like you’re a teenage girl in Osaka (which I do). Go to SOGO in the morning, Island Beverly Centre after 1 or 2 PM (they only open in the afternoon, presumably for the schoolgirls), and visit all the shoe/clothing stores along Lockhart Road just north of SOGO. World Trade Centre (another block north) for your Uniqlo and MUJI fix. Takoyaki is in the basement of SOGO, as expected. Also, go to Retrostone for vintage stuff.

Two of my fave stores: Apostrophe, where I walked in and asked to buy the jacket the shopkeeper was wearing. She said “Okay but you should wear it in brown.” (hers was black). I tried on both colors and she was right (They always are. Ugh, I love shopping in Asia.) Second store, BESS, felt like an Anthro for slightly more edgy but equally rich girls. I purchased the only jacket I could afford.

Like, a third of the stuff I picked up. And Causeway Bay is just ONE good shopping district of HK.

5) Happy Valley horse races in Wan Chai on Wednesday Nights. Full of old ex-pats gambling on horses and drinking beer. Starts at 7, last race happens around 11 PM so you have a nice wide window in which to get dinner in Tsim Sha Tsui and then head to Wan Chai.

Now that you think you’re going to explode, time to chill out.

Calm Hong Kong: 5 Places

1) Kowloon Walled City Park – This used to be a super-dense mishmash of apartments built on top of each other, and very slummy, back in the day. Sounded pretty creepy and horrible, but it was demolished in the 90s and now there’s a nice park there instead. There’s bonsai! We went at dusk and it was peaceful though maybe a bit eerie.

A gate and some old stones are the only thing left, and we did many a photoshoot there. Here’s Boyce swaggin’ it by the ruins.

2) Hong Kong Park

There’s an excellent tower, from which I took the first picture in this post. Also, we were pretty big fans of the Tai Chi garden and its many statues we abused.

3) Place on the way down from the central mid-level escalators

The Central Mid-level escalators is the longest set of covered, outdoor escalators in the world (FUN FACT!) and riding them takes you on a walking tour of SoHo (lots of nice-looking restaurants) but without the walking. Eventually if you ride ALL the escalators (this takes a while) you end up alone at the end, the tourists mysteriously having disappeared from your side (how did they all know when to get off, anyway?) You’re standing on a road in super-residential Hong Kong. So what now? Luckily, I have the answer for you.

Turn left, and walk down Conduit Road for a while, until you see this staircase. Then take it, and you’ll be in a magical world under the roads, and the coolest place we found in Hong Kong.

I like it because it’s quiet, peaceful, and green, but you’re still reminded that you’re in Hong Kong since there are literally cars driving over your head. Real jungle meets concrete jungle. I also found a good spot to perch.

Photo by Jane Dinh

After you pass by this point, you will wander into the Botanical Gardens/Zoo, which had a very Jurassic Park feel to it.

4) Cyberport – It’s not really near anything, but I befriended some Australians who lived out here and this is the view they wake up to. Daily. UMMM??? The only thing better than finding awesome views while on hikes is finding them in your living room. So either go befriend some randos who live here too, or else try to get similar views from HKU.

I learned in HK and Singapore that I have a thing for views with lots of cargo ships and islands in the distance.

5) Hong Kong University of Science and Technology – More crazy views and an entirely vertical school.

This is where Nelson is studying abroad (so jelly that he’s still in HK) and the layout of this school is ridiculous.

All the classes are in a single building and then you take a 10-story elevator down to the dorm (no floors in between, it’s pretty much a vertical tube), and then take another 10-story elevator down and you’re ON THE BEACH.

A few last tips about places

– If you like running, try Happy Valley (awesome view, you get to feel like a horse) and Victoria Park (nice running track, workout equipment scattered around it).
– Go to 7-11 religiously. It is your Japanese snack food haven, source of hydration, entertainment while waiting, and cell phone minute replenishment. They are everywhere.
– Stay somewhere convenient. We Airbnb‘d places in Wan Chai and Tin Hau for 5 days each, and these were crazy convenient and almost as cheap as hostels. Tin Hau was also next door to Victoria Park and Causeway Bay, so a good base for shopaholics. Beware though that your place may be so nice that you just stay in all day, watching Breaking Bad and reading metafilter. There’s no shame in that though, as you have all night to go eat dinner, watch horses race, and experience the Cantonese magic that is Hong Kong.

Wondering where’s the dim sum? Worry not. Posts on HK food and partying, plus all the Singapore stuff, coming up!

I’ve successfully arrived in Hong Kong with Team Ramen after a surprisingly comfy 14-hour flight and minimal disasters (thanks Foursquare and Twitter for helping us locate each other).

Despite Team Ramen picking Hong Kong and Singapore for our post-graduation travels, 95% for the dim sum and other asian cuisine, we also figured focusing on post-British-colonial-megaurban-Asia might uncover some interesting cultural mishmashyness.

So here we have it, episode 1, our elevator. Here’s the photo (from right outside our apartment), and let’s deconstruct below!

So the strange thing going on here (and props to Boyce for noticing this first) is that the numbers in Chinese and English DO NOT MATCH. It says “13th floor” in English, but the numerals in Chinese are for the number “14”. Um. Kind of strange that those do not say the same thing, right??

Except then we realized that we are “really” on floor 14, because looking at the buttons inside the elevator, there’s a G floor (where we enter/exit) and the next one up is 1, British-style. Apparently in Chinese it’s the same way we do it in America, where the ground floor is 1 and the next one up is 2?

So the answer to the question of “What floor we live on” would be:

14 – in Chinese
13 – in British
14 – in American, confusingly (for us) not listed on the signage, because this is a former BRITISH colony, yo. (So is America, but I’m pretty sure the Brits left before they could imperialize their elevator systems on us). Of course, in American we would also have to be on the 14th floor because there IS NO 13th STORY, DUH!! Did no one here read Sideways Stories from Wayside School?

Wolf Gang – Lions In Cages by 1000songs

While procrastinating on your senior thesis, buy plane tickets for 2 weeks to Philly.  Tell Facebook immediately.

Make a countdown-till-you’re-in-Philly clock webpage, using your CS skillz for silly and not evil.

When the time comes, pack 7 outfits: 5 for daytime, 2 for partying only, and your workout clothes.  Bring your makeup.

Have 2 groups of friends in Philly each with their own house in two different neighborhoods, and spend ~50% of nights at each house, in order to a) maximally confuse everyone as to your location and b) not wear out your welcome.

Head to New York with your Best Fucking Friend and one more friend, and walk around the financial district, realizing the friend you’re crashing with is an analyst on Wall Street and thus the 1%.  Make jokes about how you will occupy his apartment tomorrow.

Notice lots of NYC stereotypes on the subway. [Pictured: businessman, sleeping asian lady.]

Sit on a bench and eat nuts from a street cart.  Be creeped out by the squirrel who wants to get in on it.

Go out to dinner at Union Square with an old friend and her girlfriend.  Meet up with a college friend who didn’t believe you were in NYC until you texted over some photographic evidence:  

Barhop your way around the East Village.  Talk to some strangers who turn out to be very strange. Take a cab.

In the morning, eat dosa from a street cart.  Check into it on FourSquare.

Walk through Central Park.  Climb a tree in a miniskirt.

Sit on the steps of the Met but don’t go inside — you can always do that all the future times you’ll be in NYC.

Actually occupy your friend’s apartment and sit in the dark talking all afternoon.  Watch TV.

Go out at 10 PM.  Get okonomiyaki at Otafuku because they’re sold out of takoyaki.  Get free okonomiyaki because the dude who ordered earlier never picked up his food.  Try to get into a bar on a Saturday night, but fail because it’s too crowded.

6 Follow Me by Designer Drugs Official

Go to Webster Hall to dance, and realize everyone there is 17 with fake IDs.  Get danced on by a guy who won’t go away.  Dance with a 50 year old man until it gets creepy instead of ironic.  Fall in love with DJ Jess and his adorable antics and entourage of cute stripping manic pixie dream girls.  Go upstairs to the 3rd dancefloor and sweat to Designer Drugs.

Leave the club.  Go get Ukranian food at 4 AM and take joy in the fact that it’s as crowded in a restaurant in the East Village at 4 AM as it would be at 7 PM anywhere else in the world.  Wonder if the couple next to you is on a date at 4 AM because they wake up this early or are still awake this late.  Have some perogis and cabbage soup.

Toy with the idea of staying up all night and watch the sun rise on the Brooklyn bridge, but give up, subway home and sleep instead.

Wake up and go to BRUNCH at an overpriced but delicious place in midtownish. Tweet about brunch.  Walk to Penn Station and bus back to Philly.

Meet up with friend group #2 in Philly.  Catch up on the first chunk of a year’s worth of gossip.  Hold a real gun for the first time.  Watch your friends play video games. Finally shower and change.  Head to the first of four parties that night, with EVERYONE.

Have ridiculous conversations. “Bread snob!?!?!!  It’s not even good bread!”

Exchange scandalous stories in a group of people you know extremely well and those you’ve just met.  Meet all the relevant new friends and girlfriends from the past year.

Hide in a room and try on tutus.

Head to the second party, then the third, then the fourth, which is where everyone wants to stay. Remember all the people you partied with a year and a half ago and have not talked to since.  Talk about programming.  

Watch a girl throw up on your friend’s shoes.  Talk about Japan.  Freak out that people are smoking cigarettes inside and putting them out on a wood floor. Don’t burn down the house, though.

Find out one of your new friends is in a band you have listened to before:
The War On Drugs, Come To The City by dance yrself clean 1983

The next day, don’t change out of your skirts and 3 inch heels and walk 2.5 miles to get dim sum.  Go shopping at Anthro and buy some fleece-lined leggings because both your shopping buddies say they are amazing.  Buy some $10 sneakers at Payless because you didn’t pack anything besides heels and your feet are sore.

Eat Korean, Thai, Chinese, Indian anywhere and everywhere in Center City.

Don’t respond to emails for a week and a half.

Walk between the two houses you’re staying in and realize it takes 45 minutes – learn the bus routes between them.  Sometimes spend too much money on taxis.

Watch 2 seasons of Misfits, mostly in your pajamas, and make eggs and toast and lots of tea.  Become addicted to chocolate chip meringues that your friend’s roommate made.

Camp out in front of the space heater.

Watch Breaking Bad alone in a dark and quiet house and get extremely creeped out. Catch up to your friends and lie in bed watching Breaking Bad together this time. During the credits, shout out the chemical name of each atomic symbol that appears on the screen.

Get lots of sleep because you have no bedtime and no job.

Get five people together for ice cream at Philly Flavors, and then help a new friend move a bed six blocks.  Walk with two people carrying the box-spring in front and three carrying the mattress behind.  Wonder how this is the funniest thing that’s happened yet.  Lust after a cool map in the room where the bed came from. Borrow a car and spend 20 minutes conjecturing about how to turn the lights on.  Go get cheese fries afterwards at Sketch and have the worst food hangover the next day.  Eat a cookie in the car and start a rumor that your friend stole it.

Take the bus once in your pajamas.

Take the bus once wearing pipe cleaners as glasses.

Talk to your friends about Sweden and what Zuck is like IRL, but attempt to stop yourself before they get too bored.  Learn the names of two new Berlin DJs. Listen to people’s stories from work and be fascinated because they aren’t in your field, so how this all works is news to you.

Enjoy watching the current stories unfold over the 2 weeks you spend there.

Have a hard time explaining where you are from to new people. Possible options:
– NOT Philly
– Chicago
– San Francisco, soonish
– 2-hrs-south-of-Chicago-but-just-having-graduated-traveling-for-a-bit-and-soon-to-be-san-francisco

Go running by the Schuylkill River and run up the stairs to the Art Museum because Rocky did it so you have to.

Get your hair cut, restoring it to its fully natural color for the first time in a decade. Model yourself after a minor character from Misfits.

Be excited that the weekend is here again.

Hang out at friends of friends’ apartments in West Philly.  Go to a house party in West Philly. Become surprised when someone you’ve just met asks you to produce five facts about yourself, and add that to your repertoire of slightly annoying icebreakers that can be delivered in a way involving minimal OR maximal cheesiness.

Go to a pirate drag party in Center City, dressed as a very androgynous Peter Pan.  Dance at Raven and Voyeur.  Don’t go to Voyeur before 2 AM on a Saturday. If you do, stop by for pizza next door.

Read 1000 Thought Catalog articles and obsess over Ryan O’Conn.  Make a Shit Ryan O’Connell Says video.  

Freak out when Ryan O’Connell tweets back at you that he likes your video.  Scream a lot.  Don’t care that no one else at the party knows who Ryan O’Connell is.

@mokudekiru UM THIS IS AMAZING. HONEY, U GET ME.

— Ryan O’Connell (@ryanoconn) January 15, 2012

Hear stories about the parties you didn’t go to.  Realize that there are too many decisions to make on weekends when everyone is doing different things.  Wish you could be in 20 places at once.  Talk to a really boring wingman at the club, who reminds you of Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother.  Kind of wish you were still in Sweden where dudes don’t hit on girls in clubs.

Miss the days when more of your friends were students and didn’t have jobs and they could do stupid things all day every day with you.

Occasionally empty the dishwasher.

Use the following words: perf, trude, TWINSIES, “as per us…ual” and struggle with the spelling of that.

Eat way too much pizza.

Go on a capital-A Adventure on a Sunday afternoon.  Use alliteration.  Sneak onto some abandoned railroad tracks and take photos.  Walk around abandoned industrial areas.  Drive through North Philly and look at Temple buildings and don’t drive into sketchy alleys. Find “A Street” and drive down it.

Hop on an early morning bus with your friend to NYC again for roughly 24 hours because you feel like it.  Gossip and spend a day in a Swedish cafe and make a playlist and look for apartments in San Francisco.  

A Place To Bury Strangers “In Your Heart” (Cereal Spiller Remix) by Cereal Spiller

Village it up at night and realize NYC is crazy because not only are things crowded at 4 AM they are also crowded on Monday nights. Try on some $300 headphones and listen to a song you’ve never heard before. Realize hearing city noises in the morning is essential for your happiness.

Miss your bus and stand in the rain trying to catch another one to Philly. When you arrive, find the Korean Taco Truck.

Get your boots complimented on by a boy much younger than you while buying wine.

Do a photo shoot with random props.  Sit at home and talk to people as they come home from work.  Talk about your enemies from middle school and look them up on Facebook. Celebrate when they look like losers and rage when they look like mild successes.

Hug everyone and get weirdly emotional about saying goodbye even though you’ve only been here two weeks. Have traumatic flashbacks to leaving Sweden and CA this summer. Be genuinely surprised when more than one person mentions that they may one day come visit in San Francisco, because you’ve never lived anywhere before where people might want to visit.

Feel like you could continue living here as a bum indefinitely.

Eat some nutella before bed.

Remember to pack the dress you left here a year ago in your suitcase this time.